How to Help A Friend With Anxiety (From People Who Have Anxiety)
Here are 5 tips my patients tell me help the most. Take it from them. Not me.
"I'm doing just fine," explained my patient. It was late March 2020 and our lives had just been upended by COVID-19. I was relieved to hear she was okay considering the unbridled disruption, uncertainty, and fear that pervaded the early days of the pandemic. Our weekly Monday appointments were cancelled indefinitely and I had not seen my patient in over two weeks.
"Thanks to years of therapy, I have lots of tools in my toolbox to deal with constant worry," she continued. "It's like I have been preparing for this moment all my life."
Having lived with anxiety for as long as she could remember, she found herself in the curious position of giving advice to friends who were experiencing overwhelming anxiety for the very first time. "After all these years, I have become an expert in uncertainty. I know what has helped me so I know how to be there for them."
Most of us know someone who struggles with anxiety and knowing what to say and how to help isn't always obvious. As a psychiatrist, I have treated many people who struggle with anxiety on a daily basis but I have learned as much, if not more, from my patients who live with anxiety as I have from training and textbooks.
Here are 5 tips my patients tell me help the most. Take it from them. Not me.
1. Listen Deeply
Before offering any words of wisdom, hear them out. Resist the urge to interrupt, or to reassure, or to tell them they are overreacting. Give the person your full attention and compassion so that they feel understood and heard.
2. Check In
Anxiety can be a very lonely experience so showing up means a lot. Give them a call, take them for a walk, or suggest watching a movie together. Be responsive when they call or text. Remind the person that they are loved and that you are there for them.
3. Ask Them What They Need
"Just because meditation works for my anxiety doesn't mean it works for everyone's anxiety," explained my patient. Instead of assuming you know what's best or have all the answers, follow their lead. Anxiety manifests differently in everyone. Respect their experience.
4. Be a Tailwind, Not a Mechanic
As tempting as it is to want to "fix" someone, remember that a person with anxiety is not broken. Support their goals, celebrate their wins, and remind them of their strengths. Instead of focusing on problems, tap into their capabilities.
5. Set Boundaries
Setting limits doesn't mean you are a bad friend, it means you are human and have your own life too. It's okay to say, "I love you. I'm in the middle of something. Can we chat tomorrow morning?" If someone is asking for more than you can give, resentment sets in. Be open and honest. Clarity and communication are antidotes for guilt.
Exposure: Rejection Desensitization in 20 seconds!😁😁😁😁
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc2OzeAfYKc
Note: works better at half speed and captions set to:___English (United States)____
the First Untruth of the US Senate's Dr Haidt's The 3 Great Untruths: DON'T FACE YOUR FEARS
"... how to spend the ...legal settlements ... $50 billion..."
DeWimpify America with $5*10**10 😁😁😁😁 REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK
https://www.wsj.com/articles/opioid-settlement-money-is-coming-and-two-ohio-counties-differ-on-ways-to-use-it-828f7faa
"... a new challenge: how to spend the money.
Many state and local governments are starting to receive funds from national legal settlements expected to total roughly $50 billion over the next two decades. "
Help hone the messaging to recruit Law school applicants nationwide wanting to spice up their applications by debuting as a New Nader's Raider... so they continue to be chomping at the bit...
...to convince their state's AG how to spend $5*10**10... on an ingenious project to reverse the harm Purdue Pharma did by subverting anxiety science("facing your fears is required") with their anxiety pills...
Here's the title with a subtitle:"Shake Down Purdue, Shake Down Stress***: How America went from VonTrapp to Valium to Opioids as easily as a baby goes from thumb to pacifier"(placebos "mutate")... it's too long?😁😁😁
REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK: Is it too long?
How about:"Drug Criminals Stole Our Spine (and are paying the price)"
Can you visualize settlement funded celebrity PSAs... TikTok Challenge style cameos of shy nerdy boys asking glamourous sexy celebrity females... to shake their hand(5 times)?😁😁😁
This project is the "modern version" of Eleanor Roosevelt's: "Do one thing every day that scares you."
***( a TikTok Challenge?)
OK-Stop Handshake(20 seconds)
In the initial encounter of the heterosexual dating scene, the female is asked to shake hands and replies OK...
... but after three seconds of shaking hands, she says STOP (the couple practice honoring the withdrawal of consent)...
...he asks again (practicing rejection desensitization)...
Repeats(she says OK... then STOP....practicing assertion desensitization)
Analysis: "KILL 3 BIRDS WITH ONE STONE:"
She wants to be touched but is afraid he won't stop (male's sexual response cycles want to end in orgasm while the female sexual response is much more interruptable...)
He is afraid of rejection before this treatment that reduces(desensitizes) that fear... his fear of rejection is reduced(forever?) and he is more likely to honor rejection by females without much disappointment and he is more likely to be resilient after rejection and eventually find RSAT(relationship satisfaction)
She may fear being perceived as too demanding .... after this treatment that fear will be (forever?) reduced. She is more likely to be resilient after rejecting and eventually find RSAT(relationship satisfaction
Sincerely
Jeff