Dr. Boardman - love this! Thank you for this keen reflection and important observation. What I like is how you tie perspective to language. When we shift from the emotional experience of hate to one of dislike, it has a tendency under certain circumstances to lessen the emotional intensity of our experience and can create more cognitive space within us to name what’s underneath the emotion, as you relay, whether disappointment, frustration, or fear. In life, that can be a real game changer: when our emotions feel less overwhelming, the mind has a better chance of thinking with nuance instead of slipping into black-and-white, all-or-none ways of experiencing and speaking.
The conundrum, as I see it at least clinically, is that we want to help ourselves and others use our thinking in relation to our emotions, and lessening the intensity, as with shifting to dislike, can certainly help us do that. And yet, it can sometimes be more helpful to hear the full intensity spoken out loud, because it gives us a clearer glimpse of what a particular patient is truly up against. If we mute the intensity too quickly, we risk losing sight of important information about what the person is dealing with, information that may be vital for helping them process and better understand what their emotions are tied to. A bit of a paradox, if you will. Used with care, both approaches can open different doors to understanding.
The problem in society currently is more what you hit upon, and thus your piece is a great reminder that how we frame our inner experience can end up shaping much of how we’re able to work with those feelings.
Thank you for this thoughtful response. As you so beautifully put it, language can either open or close doors, and being intentional with our words gives us a better chance of seeing what’s really underneath.
Samantha, I loved your nanny so much. When she retired to Palm Beach, I worked at Bethesda-by-the-Sea and saw her often. She wouldn't allow any of us to say the word "hate." She really was wonderful. Thank you for writing about her, and for continuing to write your comments (I also enjoyed your book!). Oh, and I like Stacy too - she lives in Florida and is a preschool teacher:)
It’s a good perspective. Hate is a strong word.
Btw I hope we are related 😅
🤓
The word hate was forbidden in my family too. Great article.
Love to hear it!
Thank you! That makes so much sense.
It's a small swap with huge results!
Thank you for this post. Most needed this week.
Glad you found this 🙏
Dr. Boardman - love this! Thank you for this keen reflection and important observation. What I like is how you tie perspective to language. When we shift from the emotional experience of hate to one of dislike, it has a tendency under certain circumstances to lessen the emotional intensity of our experience and can create more cognitive space within us to name what’s underneath the emotion, as you relay, whether disappointment, frustration, or fear. In life, that can be a real game changer: when our emotions feel less overwhelming, the mind has a better chance of thinking with nuance instead of slipping into black-and-white, all-or-none ways of experiencing and speaking.
The conundrum, as I see it at least clinically, is that we want to help ourselves and others use our thinking in relation to our emotions, and lessening the intensity, as with shifting to dislike, can certainly help us do that. And yet, it can sometimes be more helpful to hear the full intensity spoken out loud, because it gives us a clearer glimpse of what a particular patient is truly up against. If we mute the intensity too quickly, we risk losing sight of important information about what the person is dealing with, information that may be vital for helping them process and better understand what their emotions are tied to. A bit of a paradox, if you will. Used with care, both approaches can open different doors to understanding.
The problem in society currently is more what you hit upon, and thus your piece is a great reminder that how we frame our inner experience can end up shaping much of how we’re able to work with those feelings.
Thank you for this thoughtful response. As you so beautifully put it, language can either open or close doors, and being intentional with our words gives us a better chance of seeing what’s really underneath.
Such an important message in today’s world!
I think so!! 🙌
I always look forward to your insights. Wonderful post.
Thank you! I'm glad you are enjoying these articles 🤓
Beautiful. Love your Nanny. Thanks.
❤️
Beautiful- well said
Thank you 🙏
I always appreciate your insightful posts and perspective. Good thoughts to share with our teenage grandchildren.
Thank YOU for the kind words!
Samantha, I loved your nanny so much. When she retired to Palm Beach, I worked at Bethesda-by-the-Sea and saw her often. She wouldn't allow any of us to say the word "hate." She really was wonderful. Thank you for writing about her, and for continuing to write your comments (I also enjoyed your book!). Oh, and I like Stacy too - she lives in Florida and is a preschool teacher:)
Anne - What a joy to hear this! She had such a gift for making an impression that lasted.