It starts at home. How we are raised, what everyone’s definition of “normal” is like to each of us. Wanting to be validated by our parents. My mother didn’t break the cycle of how she was raised and carried over her negativity to me and my sisters. Luckily, I’ve always been self-aware. It’s taken me a long time to change my perception. I wish I could say the same about my sisters. Being surrounded by happy people has helped me to change my perception of myself. I am still a work in progress. My niece is my mini-me. I joined the MET many years ago and attended a lecture about French Impressionists; one of them being Renoir. The lecturer said he only painted pictures of happy people because there were too many miserable people in the world. Words to that effect. Unfortunately, not much has changed.
For those of you interested in a fuller exposition of this effect, pick up "The Expectation Effect" by David Robson. It's criminal that his book is not more well-known, and I'm glad that you're shedding light on this phenomenon, Dr. Boardman. The impact that mindset has on how we experience but also shape our "reality" is enormous.
As a retired counselor, I recall consistently discussing the role of erroneous expectations as the underlying cause for depression, anxiety, interpersonal problems and chronic anger. Because I have taught this concept for the past 40 years, I’ve come to monitor how I react in my personal life. If I am feeling angry (think bored to enraged), resentful, or guilty, I am likely engaged in should thinking (the language of expectations). When I get clear about what I want and my expectations are both reasonable and realistic, I am much less likely to suffer.
Great article! Thank you so much for these thoughtful topics!
This is my first time responding to "The Dose" (just subscribed a few weeks ago). This post was very enlightening to me because I've been dealing with some longstanding negative core beliefs that I didn't realized I'd developed during my childhood and teenage years. In short, after several traumatic experiences in early childhood, I came to believe that something was fundamentally "wrong" with me, and that "things" "weren't going to work out" (despite the fact that by many folks' standards, things have worked out well for me in life in terms of education, friendships, career, etc.). This reached a fevered pitch during the pandemic when I had become convinced that I had some terrible, non-treatable disease I'm embarrassed to mention ever again, and then it took me another two years to realize that the repression of feelings of sadness and anger from those long-ago traumatic experiences, coupled with the dissociating that kept me "functional" in the daily life for decades, led me to view my immediate and long-term future with foreboding. Thankfully, I am tearing up the old cognitive distortions that arose as a result of those negative core believes, but every once in a while I have to stop and consciously challenge myself, especially in ambiguous situations (as noted in this article), to maintain a rational perspective and not succumb to the pressures of anxiety and concomitant rumination, etc. Reading this article shows me that I'm on the right path, and that I still have a ways to travel regarding what I allow my mind to think about; what I allow it to believe, for what my mind believes is often made manifest right in my body (false dichotomy, I know, but blame Plato and Descartes lol). I'm very grateful for this Substack, Dr. Boardman, and I look forward to your future posts!
It's good to see this brought up. But it seems to reflect the conflict in psychotherapy between "traditional" psychodynamic therapy vs CBT, where traditional psychodynamic therapy processes the past, "trauma" and so on, while CBT in theory offers tools for the future. Something of both may be desirable, and still may not be enough for some people.
This was so interesting! As a person who experiences a fair amount of anxiety I always felt like naming and owning it gave me power over it but this is a helpful perspective shift!
It starts at home. How we are raised, what everyone’s definition of “normal” is like to each of us. Wanting to be validated by our parents. My mother didn’t break the cycle of how she was raised and carried over her negativity to me and my sisters. Luckily, I’ve always been self-aware. It’s taken me a long time to change my perception. I wish I could say the same about my sisters. Being surrounded by happy people has helped me to change my perception of myself. I am still a work in progress. My niece is my mini-me. I joined the MET many years ago and attended a lecture about French Impressionists; one of them being Renoir. The lecturer said he only painted pictures of happy people because there were too many miserable people in the world. Words to that effect. Unfortunately, not much has changed.
I have been reading more and more about this and I believe it is absolutely true!
Terrific!
For those of you interested in a fuller exposition of this effect, pick up "The Expectation Effect" by David Robson. It's criminal that his book is not more well-known, and I'm glad that you're shedding light on this phenomenon, Dr. Boardman. The impact that mindset has on how we experience but also shape our "reality" is enormous.
As a retired counselor, I recall consistently discussing the role of erroneous expectations as the underlying cause for depression, anxiety, interpersonal problems and chronic anger. Because I have taught this concept for the past 40 years, I’ve come to monitor how I react in my personal life. If I am feeling angry (think bored to enraged), resentful, or guilty, I am likely engaged in should thinking (the language of expectations). When I get clear about what I want and my expectations are both reasonable and realistic, I am much less likely to suffer.
Great article! Thank you so much for these thoughtful topics!
This is my first time responding to "The Dose" (just subscribed a few weeks ago). This post was very enlightening to me because I've been dealing with some longstanding negative core beliefs that I didn't realized I'd developed during my childhood and teenage years. In short, after several traumatic experiences in early childhood, I came to believe that something was fundamentally "wrong" with me, and that "things" "weren't going to work out" (despite the fact that by many folks' standards, things have worked out well for me in life in terms of education, friendships, career, etc.). This reached a fevered pitch during the pandemic when I had become convinced that I had some terrible, non-treatable disease I'm embarrassed to mention ever again, and then it took me another two years to realize that the repression of feelings of sadness and anger from those long-ago traumatic experiences, coupled with the dissociating that kept me "functional" in the daily life for decades, led me to view my immediate and long-term future with foreboding. Thankfully, I am tearing up the old cognitive distortions that arose as a result of those negative core believes, but every once in a while I have to stop and consciously challenge myself, especially in ambiguous situations (as noted in this article), to maintain a rational perspective and not succumb to the pressures of anxiety and concomitant rumination, etc. Reading this article shows me that I'm on the right path, and that I still have a ways to travel regarding what I allow my mind to think about; what I allow it to believe, for what my mind believes is often made manifest right in my body (false dichotomy, I know, but blame Plato and Descartes lol). I'm very grateful for this Substack, Dr. Boardman, and I look forward to your future posts!
Do you have any books/podcasts that you'd recommend reading to learn more about this topic? Thanks, and I really enjoy reading "The Dose"!
It's good to see this brought up. But it seems to reflect the conflict in psychotherapy between "traditional" psychodynamic therapy vs CBT, where traditional psychodynamic therapy processes the past, "trauma" and so on, while CBT in theory offers tools for the future. Something of both may be desirable, and still may not be enough for some people.
I want that toothbrush !
This was so interesting! As a person who experiences a fair amount of anxiety I always felt like naming and owning it gave me power over it but this is a helpful perspective shift!
Awesomeness!
Personally I am looking forward to the future. Finally their will be transparency and an end of hidden powers and stupid followers!
When everything is upside down, and there is blood running into your head, maybe it's time to learn trapeze!
Extremely insightful! Thank you and it sure will help me.