@Dr. Samantha Boardman - Thank you for writing this piece. As a therapist, I see firsthand how psychological language, say when reduced to online soundbites, can unintentionally heighten self-blame, stifle exploration and reinforce the very inner critics we're trying to work with and lessen.
Rather than diagnosing what’s “wrong,” I aim to help people become more curious about their experience, such aspects like what hurts, what helps, what patterns show up for all of us over time. Obviously, concepts like boundaries, trauma or narcissism can be incredibly useful when held with care and discussed within a certain context but not as rigid labels. I think of them more as entry points for deeper exploration and reflection. Otherwise, we risk turning our inner life into something foreign, labeled, concretized in a non fluid pathological manner as opposed to a space for genuine curiosity and healing.
For me, therapy and perhaps words that come out in relation to it, at its best, isn’t about slotting people into categories. It’s about helping ourselves explore who they are, their very human condition and to live out more fully inside the complexity of being human.
I love how you describe using concepts as entry points rather than rigid labels. You’re absolutely right that curiosity and context open the door to genuine healing, rather than reducing people to categories.
Nuance must be our goal. Currently, social influencers on TikTok and Instagram are setting the baseline, framing the definitions, and dictating the rhetoric around mental health. It’s alarming how the conversation has been taken over by those chasing power, status, and societal influence. I recommend reading "The Narcissism of Others." It effectively critiques the cultural obsession with narcissism, particularly the way we focus on the narcissism of everyone around us while ignoring our own. This tendency allows us to evade responsibility for our behavior and personal growth by projecting our issues onto others.
As a survivor, it’s deeply concerning to witness the redefinition and co-opting of trauma terminology and therapeutic practices for political, ideological, or self-serving goals. While it's undeniable that trauma and PTSD are real experiences, we must acknowledge that not every difficult situation is trauma. Social media promotes laziness and a lack of self-reflection. Younger generations, reliant on social media for news, information, healthcare advice, and healing, are being inundated with 'fake news' from individuals who want to dominate the mental health conversation—often because it requires far less effort than pursuing legitimate professional credentials. The damage caused by social media influencers spreading misinformation and sowing seeds of doubt is significant.
This trend undermines the hard work many of us have put into psychotherapy. If achieving mental health were as simple as some claim, professionals like psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and ketamine-assisted therapists would be obsolete. True healing requires deep introspection and effort. With the rise of a ‘quick fix’ culture, we face not just psychological resistance but an entire system that promotes superficial solutions.
This is the first time I have left you a comment! I thought this was an amazing and insightful piece. One of my favorites from a list of many. Keep up the important work. thank you
What a beautifully articulated article! I’m already seeing therapy speak creep into my 11 year old’s vocabulary, and we are working on reframing and recognizing truth.
Thanks, Rachel! You’re absolutely right that reframing and reconnecting with truth is powerful, especially for kids learning the language to describe their world. It sounds like you’re giving your 11-year-old such a valuable foundation.
This was a great read! I see so much of this with my clients as well. Many women tell me they are afraid to believe the feedback their partners give them because they worry about being gaslit. Because of this, they miss out on the powerful reflections a loving partner can offer. I find this is most often the case when they’ve experienced — as you say — the real, insidious, and harmful type of gaslighting in the past, and now any disagreement feels unsafe rather than an opening for deeper connection.
I'm curious, have you @Dr. Samantha Boardman or anyone else in this thread heard of the term betrayal trauma. And what do you think of it?
Such an important point, Paige. You’re absolutely right that past experiences of real gaslighting can make even healthy disagreement feel threatening, which is such a loss for connection. Betrayal trauma is a powerful concept, and definitely overlaps with this concept. When used with care and context, it can open up space for healing, but like so many terms, it can also get diluted or misapplied if we’re not careful.
I agree with the language being misused and over use seems to make the words meaningless.
Like “being woke” - it can now mean whatever people want it to mean.
As a counselling student, I’m also becoming increasingly aware of differing definitions or interpretations- depending on modality/philosophy/belief.
I’m reliably informed that there are 400+ ‘types’ of therapy - and the modality I got was harmful in the end. Some therapists don’t understand some of the concepts that you describe - gaslighting, covert control, role reversal, trauma, attachment; even counter transference seems to be overwhelming.
I’m not convinced applying any of this ambiguous language to a human is helpful or beneficial. Labelling theory. . .
I follow your work, because you seem to be saying that something is wrong with therapy culture? Not necessarily therapy itself.
You’re absolutely right and I really appreciate your perspective. When language is overused or stripped of nuance, it loses its meaning. The problem is not therapy itself, but rather the culture that can form around it when concepts are misapplied or oversimplified.
So grateful for this today! This popped in my inbox as I was contemplating having a tough conversation with my young adult daughter. This helped me to avoid some of my own psychobabble. After reading this, I think I approached her with more curiosity and kindness than I might have otherwise. I went better than most of our recent conversations. Many thanks! 🙏
I so appreciate your informed and grounded insights. As a retired LCSW with a positive psychology leaning, I could not agree more with your assessments. I imagine you are very empathic and helpful with the people who come to you!!
I have a friend who uses ChatGPT as a therapist. This perfectly describes their outlook. Everybody seems to have become a narcissist because of some little behavior they identify as a symptom or sign of the greater pathology. It's infuriating, but worse, of course, because I'm watching brain worms proliferate in a friend's mind.
@Dr. Samantha Boardman - Thank you for writing this piece. As a therapist, I see firsthand how psychological language, say when reduced to online soundbites, can unintentionally heighten self-blame, stifle exploration and reinforce the very inner critics we're trying to work with and lessen.
Rather than diagnosing what’s “wrong,” I aim to help people become more curious about their experience, such aspects like what hurts, what helps, what patterns show up for all of us over time. Obviously, concepts like boundaries, trauma or narcissism can be incredibly useful when held with care and discussed within a certain context but not as rigid labels. I think of them more as entry points for deeper exploration and reflection. Otherwise, we risk turning our inner life into something foreign, labeled, concretized in a non fluid pathological manner as opposed to a space for genuine curiosity and healing.
For me, therapy and perhaps words that come out in relation to it, at its best, isn’t about slotting people into categories. It’s about helping ourselves explore who they are, their very human condition and to live out more fully inside the complexity of being human.
I love how you describe using concepts as entry points rather than rigid labels. You’re absolutely right that curiosity and context open the door to genuine healing, rather than reducing people to categories.
Let's collaborate?
This reminds me of a great book by Allen Francis called Saving Normal. I highly recommend it to anyone that works in the field.
Love it!
Nuance must be our goal. Currently, social influencers on TikTok and Instagram are setting the baseline, framing the definitions, and dictating the rhetoric around mental health. It’s alarming how the conversation has been taken over by those chasing power, status, and societal influence. I recommend reading "The Narcissism of Others." It effectively critiques the cultural obsession with narcissism, particularly the way we focus on the narcissism of everyone around us while ignoring our own. This tendency allows us to evade responsibility for our behavior and personal growth by projecting our issues onto others.
As a survivor, it’s deeply concerning to witness the redefinition and co-opting of trauma terminology and therapeutic practices for political, ideological, or self-serving goals. While it's undeniable that trauma and PTSD are real experiences, we must acknowledge that not every difficult situation is trauma. Social media promotes laziness and a lack of self-reflection. Younger generations, reliant on social media for news, information, healthcare advice, and healing, are being inundated with 'fake news' from individuals who want to dominate the mental health conversation—often because it requires far less effort than pursuing legitimate professional credentials. The damage caused by social media influencers spreading misinformation and sowing seeds of doubt is significant.
This trend undermines the hard work many of us have put into psychotherapy. If achieving mental health were as simple as some claim, professionals like psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and ketamine-assisted therapists would be obsolete. True healing requires deep introspection and effort. With the rise of a ‘quick fix’ culture, we face not just psychological resistance but an entire system that promotes superficial solutions.
Thank you for your post.
Spot on! Nuance has to be the goal, and it’s troubling how easily social media flattens complex ideas into quick fixes and buzzwords.
This is the first time I have left you a comment! I thought this was an amazing and insightful piece. One of my favorites from a list of many. Keep up the important work. thank you
Glad to have you as part of the community!
Bravo. What a terrific article, capturing complex issues and distilling them into understandings without criticism. Please keep up the feat work!
I'm so glad this resonated with you!
What a beautifully articulated article! I’m already seeing therapy speak creep into my 11 year old’s vocabulary, and we are working on reframing and recognizing truth.
Thanks, Rachel! You’re absolutely right that reframing and reconnecting with truth is powerful, especially for kids learning the language to describe their world. It sounds like you’re giving your 11-year-old such a valuable foundation.
Brilliant.
Thanks!
This was a great read! I see so much of this with my clients as well. Many women tell me they are afraid to believe the feedback their partners give them because they worry about being gaslit. Because of this, they miss out on the powerful reflections a loving partner can offer. I find this is most often the case when they’ve experienced — as you say — the real, insidious, and harmful type of gaslighting in the past, and now any disagreement feels unsafe rather than an opening for deeper connection.
I'm curious, have you @Dr. Samantha Boardman or anyone else in this thread heard of the term betrayal trauma. And what do you think of it?
Such an important point, Paige. You’re absolutely right that past experiences of real gaslighting can make even healthy disagreement feel threatening, which is such a loss for connection. Betrayal trauma is a powerful concept, and definitely overlaps with this concept. When used with care and context, it can open up space for healing, but like so many terms, it can also get diluted or misapplied if we’re not careful.
I agree with the language being misused and over use seems to make the words meaningless.
Like “being woke” - it can now mean whatever people want it to mean.
As a counselling student, I’m also becoming increasingly aware of differing definitions or interpretations- depending on modality/philosophy/belief.
I’m reliably informed that there are 400+ ‘types’ of therapy - and the modality I got was harmful in the end. Some therapists don’t understand some of the concepts that you describe - gaslighting, covert control, role reversal, trauma, attachment; even counter transference seems to be overwhelming.
I’m not convinced applying any of this ambiguous language to a human is helpful or beneficial. Labelling theory. . .
I follow your work, because you seem to be saying that something is wrong with therapy culture? Not necessarily therapy itself.
I firmly agree with that concept.
You’re absolutely right and I really appreciate your perspective. When language is overused or stripped of nuance, it loses its meaning. The problem is not therapy itself, but rather the culture that can form around it when concepts are misapplied or oversimplified.
So grateful for this today! This popped in my inbox as I was contemplating having a tough conversation with my young adult daughter. This helped me to avoid some of my own psychobabble. After reading this, I think I approached her with more curiosity and kindness than I might have otherwise. I went better than most of our recent conversations. Many thanks! 🙏
Margie, I’m so glad to hear this came to you at the right time. Approaching those conversations with curiosity and kindness makes such a difference.
Great article, I agree with the assessment. I hear people using these terms without really understanding them.
Edgar - exactly! So often these words get repeated without the deeper understanding behind them, and that’s where distortion creeps in.
I so appreciate your informed and grounded insights. As a retired LCSW with a positive psychology leaning, I could not agree more with your assessments. I imagine you are very empathic and helpful with the people who come to you!!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!
I have a friend who uses ChatGPT as a therapist. This perfectly describes their outlook. Everybody seems to have become a narcissist because of some little behavior they identify as a symptom or sign of the greater pathology. It's infuriating, but worse, of course, because I'm watching brain worms proliferate in a friend's mind.
You’re absolutely right. When every trait gets pathologized, it distorts how people see themselves and others.
Thanks for this piece,
As a med Studnet in psychiatry rotation I needed to hear this.
Wish even clinician would pay attention to the usage of these phrases too
Yes!!
Do you know anyone to join our Focus Group on reversing science denial with our continued legal successes?
We sue government quacks to force them to stop science denial