Life brings joy and sorrow. There is no escaping that. I am grateful for all that is good in my life- my loving family and community. I feel most content and happy when I am making connections with others -looking outside myself to see where I can serve others. We all have gifts and talents we must share with our communities. Contributing to my community gives purpose to my life.
Such a good post! Directing some of that attention outward and making a positive difference to others always feels happy, too. The people who are hyper focused on “self-care” always seem the least happy to me. 🌸
Great post. I had a mood ring when I was a teen in the 70s too!
I agree with what you've said. Magazines, self-help books and now social media encourage us to thing about ourselves all the time. Rather than just getting on with life and realizing that there are ups and downs, we are obsessed with how we feel.
After reading How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett, I realized how much we in the West have individualized and internalized the concept of *feeling* emotions.
Here’s how I think of it, and I could be totally wrong:
The purpose of emotions in our evolutionary history as Homo sapiens was primarily to signal our feelings—and consequently, our intentions—to other individuals, whether in-group or out-group. The instantaneous physical expression of emotions has obvious evolutionary advantages: fear triggered fight-or-flight, anger made your eyebrows furrow to warn an enemy of potential conflict, and love and lust had their own distinct signals.
Evolution doesn’t care if you *feel* happy, or *feel* sad. Its only purpose is to make you into an individual who can live long enough to procreate. This means you have to learn the social cues of your group. So you cry to signal to your mother (or anyone else around) that you need attention, you laugh to signal to your peers that you’re happy and in the mood to play, and you bat your eyelashes to signal you’re ready to mate.
Instead of recognizing that emotions are just that: signals to fellow Homo sapiens that evolution has intended for the purpose of efficient communication, we WEIRD people (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) have made it all about ourselves. “How am I feeling today? How am I feeling this very moment..?!”
This is not to say emotions are not important, they’re essential for our survival. But let’s not make everything about us, about the individual *me*, the ego.
Thank you for the great post, although i have found being aware of my emotions helped me understand the why behind them, the last sentence in the article sums it all: accept and move forward.
I’ve always been wary of any data collection (other than those used for medical purpose).
I see people monitoring data about their sleep, their breathing, the number of steps. They don’t have any other purpose besides reaching the best result.
And when I ask them what they do with their results or how if they are able to feel and name their emotions/tireness/discomfort, they are clueless.
Thanks for this. We have a bad habit of making emotions into forms of possessiveness which we love to believe in and cherish , when actually this grasping trains us to become cult leaders and maga worshippers. We have to stop glorifying our emotions and recognize how our identifications make us stupid and rigid.
in their natural state , emotions are actually incredibly dynamic and mysterious . we should be open to all of them - especially the " negative " ones . But instead of wonder, we grab and label them compulsively as if our minds worked at an Amazon warehouse fulfillment center.
This is a well articulated article that offers wisdom regarding the human failings that many of us have. I believe that mentally healthy folks do not waste their awake time pondering on their mood.
What a powerful post. Thank you so much for sharing these perspectives. Kids these days in school are so attuned to their emotions that I worry it makes them to avoid healthy risk taking. Also I wonder your thoughts on gratitude. It seems that excessive focus on gratitude vould Contribute to negative judgment and guilt?
You might not think I would since I work on the How We Feel app, but I really love this post. Your description of Batja Mesquita's suggestion that "perhaps we should conceive of [emotions] as acts happening between people and acts that are being adapted to the situation at hand" really resonated with me. I would love anything more you ever choose to write about this -- what it might look like to live in that model, how a person might navigate daily emotions in that paradigm. Thank you for this wonderful post! - Meredith
I enjoyed this article and it made me to think more broadly about the need to understand one's emotions versus evaluating them.
It's too easy to say, "Too much of a good thing..." because of the dark side of this equation. Some people (very often hyper-masculine men) refuse to acknowledge their emotions, think it's effeminate to talk about their feelings, or lack the skill to evaluate and manage their emotional drivers in a civil and productive way.
On the other hand, there does seem to be an almost epidemic of people focussing too much on their feelings as a form of individual validation that I have seen in a lot of individuals with past trauma. And just to be clear, this is not a judgement, it's an observation. I worked along someone two years ago who was late 20s and only seemed to deeply connect with others who wore their trauma on their sleeve like a badge of honour.
Your article reminded me of "Fundamental feelings" by Antonio Damasio (2001). It might be interesting to share two paragraphs that speak to the public side of emotions and the private side of feelings, as you have alluded to.
"Emotions allow organisms to cope successfully with objects and situations that are potentially dangerous or advantageous. They are just the most visible part of a huge edifice of undeliberated biological regulation that includes the homeostatic reactions that maintain metabolism; pain signalling; and drives such as hunger and thirst. Most emotional responses are directly observable either with the naked eye or with scientific probes such as psychophysiological and neurophysiological measurements and endocrine assays. Thus, emotions are not subjective, private, elusive or undefinable. Their neurobiology can be investigated objectively, not just in humans but in laboratory species, from Drosophila and Aplysia to rodents and non-human primates.
"A working definition of feelings is a different matter. Feelings are the mental representation of the physiological changes that characterize emotions. Unlike emotions, which are scientifically public, feelings are indeed private, although no more subjective than any other aspect of the mind, for example my planning of this sentence, or the mental solving of a mathematical problem. Feelings are as amenable to scientific analysis as any other cognitive phenomenon, provided that appropriate methods are used. Moreover, because feelings are the direct consequences of emotions, the elucidation of emotional neurobiology opens the way to elucidating the neurobiology of feelings." [https://www.nature.com/articles/35101669]
To wrap, I believe it's more important than ever that we help others practice how to understand and manage their emotional states, drivers, and feelings in a balanced manner. To quote Damasio again,
"An emotion, be it happiness or sadness, embarrassment or pride, is a patterned collection of chemical and neural responses that is produced by the brain when it detects the presence of an emotionally competent stimulus — an object or situation, for example."
If emotions are public, what better way to create greater understanding, acceptance, care, and dignity for others than understanding ourselves through others, and vice versa?
Excellent article. I do not know where I learned it, but about six decades ago I decided much of what I felt was hurting me, and came from people who hurt me over and over. I decided I would be better off if I experienced and analyzed the feelings, did they come from a positive or negative source. Negative meant dump that sucker and move on. Way back then it was rough but in time I learned doing it actually made me feel better! Still need that process but now it is seamless and at 74 life is amazing!
Life brings joy and sorrow. There is no escaping that. I am grateful for all that is good in my life- my loving family and community. I feel most content and happy when I am making connections with others -looking outside myself to see where I can serve others. We all have gifts and talents we must share with our communities. Contributing to my community gives purpose to my life.
Exactly - connection is key.
Such a good post! Directing some of that attention outward and making a positive difference to others always feels happy, too. The people who are hyper focused on “self-care” always seem the least happy to me. 🌸
Thank you, Mary! I always say we flourish more when we turn away from the mirror and look out the window.
Great post. I had a mood ring when I was a teen in the 70s too!
I agree with what you've said. Magazines, self-help books and now social media encourage us to thing about ourselves all the time. Rather than just getting on with life and realizing that there are ups and downs, we are obsessed with how we feel.
Fantastic perspective.
After reading How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett, I realized how much we in the West have individualized and internalized the concept of *feeling* emotions.
Here’s how I think of it, and I could be totally wrong:
The purpose of emotions in our evolutionary history as Homo sapiens was primarily to signal our feelings—and consequently, our intentions—to other individuals, whether in-group or out-group. The instantaneous physical expression of emotions has obvious evolutionary advantages: fear triggered fight-or-flight, anger made your eyebrows furrow to warn an enemy of potential conflict, and love and lust had their own distinct signals.
Evolution doesn’t care if you *feel* happy, or *feel* sad. Its only purpose is to make you into an individual who can live long enough to procreate. This means you have to learn the social cues of your group. So you cry to signal to your mother (or anyone else around) that you need attention, you laugh to signal to your peers that you’re happy and in the mood to play, and you bat your eyelashes to signal you’re ready to mate.
Instead of recognizing that emotions are just that: signals to fellow Homo sapiens that evolution has intended for the purpose of efficient communication, we WEIRD people (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) have made it all about ourselves. “How am I feeling today? How am I feeling this very moment..?!”
This is not to say emotions are not important, they’re essential for our survival. But let’s not make everything about us, about the individual *me*, the ego.
Exactly!
Thank you for the great post, although i have found being aware of my emotions helped me understand the why behind them, the last sentence in the article sums it all: accept and move forward.
I completely dived into your post!
I’ve always been wary of any data collection (other than those used for medical purpose).
I see people monitoring data about their sleep, their breathing, the number of steps. They don’t have any other purpose besides reaching the best result.
And when I ask them what they do with their results or how if they are able to feel and name their emotions/tireness/discomfort, they are clueless.
Thanks for this. We have a bad habit of making emotions into forms of possessiveness which we love to believe in and cherish , when actually this grasping trains us to become cult leaders and maga worshippers. We have to stop glorifying our emotions and recognize how our identifications make us stupid and rigid.
in their natural state , emotions are actually incredibly dynamic and mysterious . we should be open to all of them - especially the " negative " ones . But instead of wonder, we grab and label them compulsively as if our minds worked at an Amazon warehouse fulfillment center.
This is a well articulated article that offers wisdom regarding the human failings that many of us have. I believe that mentally healthy folks do not waste their awake time pondering on their mood.
What a powerful post. Thank you so much for sharing these perspectives. Kids these days in school are so attuned to their emotions that I worry it makes them to avoid healthy risk taking. Also I wonder your thoughts on gratitude. It seems that excessive focus on gratitude vould Contribute to negative judgment and guilt?
You might not think I would since I work on the How We Feel app, but I really love this post. Your description of Batja Mesquita's suggestion that "perhaps we should conceive of [emotions] as acts happening between people and acts that are being adapted to the situation at hand" really resonated with me. I would love anything more you ever choose to write about this -- what it might look like to live in that model, how a person might navigate daily emotions in that paradigm. Thank you for this wonderful post! - Meredith
thank you for your kind note, and noted for future content :)
I enjoyed this article and it made me to think more broadly about the need to understand one's emotions versus evaluating them.
It's too easy to say, "Too much of a good thing..." because of the dark side of this equation. Some people (very often hyper-masculine men) refuse to acknowledge their emotions, think it's effeminate to talk about their feelings, or lack the skill to evaluate and manage their emotional drivers in a civil and productive way.
On the other hand, there does seem to be an almost epidemic of people focussing too much on their feelings as a form of individual validation that I have seen in a lot of individuals with past trauma. And just to be clear, this is not a judgement, it's an observation. I worked along someone two years ago who was late 20s and only seemed to deeply connect with others who wore their trauma on their sleeve like a badge of honour.
Your article reminded me of "Fundamental feelings" by Antonio Damasio (2001). It might be interesting to share two paragraphs that speak to the public side of emotions and the private side of feelings, as you have alluded to.
"Emotions allow organisms to cope successfully with objects and situations that are potentially dangerous or advantageous. They are just the most visible part of a huge edifice of undeliberated biological regulation that includes the homeostatic reactions that maintain metabolism; pain signalling; and drives such as hunger and thirst. Most emotional responses are directly observable either with the naked eye or with scientific probes such as psychophysiological and neurophysiological measurements and endocrine assays. Thus, emotions are not subjective, private, elusive or undefinable. Their neurobiology can be investigated objectively, not just in humans but in laboratory species, from Drosophila and Aplysia to rodents and non-human primates.
"A working definition of feelings is a different matter. Feelings are the mental representation of the physiological changes that characterize emotions. Unlike emotions, which are scientifically public, feelings are indeed private, although no more subjective than any other aspect of the mind, for example my planning of this sentence, or the mental solving of a mathematical problem. Feelings are as amenable to scientific analysis as any other cognitive phenomenon, provided that appropriate methods are used. Moreover, because feelings are the direct consequences of emotions, the elucidation of emotional neurobiology opens the way to elucidating the neurobiology of feelings." [https://www.nature.com/articles/35101669]
To wrap, I believe it's more important than ever that we help others practice how to understand and manage their emotional states, drivers, and feelings in a balanced manner. To quote Damasio again,
"An emotion, be it happiness or sadness, embarrassment or pride, is a patterned collection of chemical and neural responses that is produced by the brain when it detects the presence of an emotionally competent stimulus — an object or situation, for example."
If emotions are public, what better way to create greater understanding, acceptance, care, and dignity for others than understanding ourselves through others, and vice versa?
Excellent article. I do not know where I learned it, but about six decades ago I decided much of what I felt was hurting me, and came from people who hurt me over and over. I decided I would be better off if I experienced and analyzed the feelings, did they come from a positive or negative source. Negative meant dump that sucker and move on. Way back then it was rough but in time I learned doing it actually made me feel better! Still need that process but now it is seamless and at 74 life is amazing!