Hmmm...while I completely understand the point you are making, I find myself often in conversation with people who have absolutely nothing to say! I find it rude, in fact. Perhaps it's my southern upbringing. If we're out together, I want to be entertained too! Say something, dammit! Entertain me. If I'm BOOMERASKING, and I venture to guess I unwittingly AM, it is to model the kind of response I'd hoped to receive! I know it's not my job to teach grown people how to chat, but damn, do I work hard at finding things to discuss and keep things engaging...stimulating.
I wish more folk would return the courtesy. It's exhausting.
Put your phone down and listen with the intent of hearing when someone is speaking to you. Gaze into their eyes. Seek to understand. Empathize or celebrate their story. Then, simply be quiet. This is a skill I am seeking to master. Unfortunately, I have failed many times but your post today reminded to do simply listen more and speak less. Thank you!
@Dr. Samantha Boardman - This is such an important and timely piece. You’ve been able to capture something many of us feel but haven’t quite named. “Boomerasking” is such a useful frame. It highlights how quickly genuine curiosity can shift into self-centeredness, often without us realizing it.
As a therapist, I see firsthand how powerful it is to feel truly listened to and not to be fixed or one-upped but simply understood. Your line “The people who listen to us are the ones we move toward” struck me. That’s the heart of connection right there.
Thank you for this wise and engaging reminder of how shifts in how we listen and respond can deepen the quality of our relationships.
Hmmm...while I completely understand the point you are making, I find myself often in conversation with people who have absolutely nothing to say! I find it rude, in fact. Perhaps it's my southern upbringing. If we're out together, I want to be entertained too! Say something, dammit! Entertain me. If I'm BOOMERASKING, and I venture to guess I unwittingly AM, it is to model the kind of response I'd hoped to receive! I know it's not my job to teach grown people how to chat, but damn, do I work hard at finding things to discuss and keep things engaging...stimulating.
I wish more folk would return the courtesy. It's exhausting.
Put your phone down and listen with the intent of hearing when someone is speaking to you. Gaze into their eyes. Seek to understand. Empathize or celebrate their story. Then, simply be quiet. This is a skill I am seeking to master. Unfortunately, I have failed many times but your post today reminded to do simply listen more and speak less. Thank you!
@Dr. Samantha Boardman - This is such an important and timely piece. You’ve been able to capture something many of us feel but haven’t quite named. “Boomerasking” is such a useful frame. It highlights how quickly genuine curiosity can shift into self-centeredness, often without us realizing it.
As a therapist, I see firsthand how powerful it is to feel truly listened to and not to be fixed or one-upped but simply understood. Your line “The people who listen to us are the ones we move toward” struck me. That’s the heart of connection right there.
Thank you for this wise and engaging reminder of how shifts in how we listen and respond can deepen the quality of our relationships.
Warmly,
Bronce Rice
Excellent and most needed read. Thank you!
Very good. It is basically good manner. Conversation should be an exchange of views.